Lost in Thoughts

I used to wonder: why does the world behave so cruel, especially when you start to think something nice about it? How many times did you find yourself in a situation where you are astonished by the unexpected behavior of somebody? The surprise that you would feel would not only be from your misjudging of the subject’s behavior, but also from your understanding of your innocence that tricked you, that you thought would have been lost when the smoothness between your mouth and nose lost.

Sitting on the green grass carpet that is softer than the velvet due to dew, I wondered how William could commit such an act that was not only a breach of trust, but also suicide. He killed himself, right? What was he when I caught him from the hotel, trying to steal a fat man’s wallet? The wallet seemed bigger than what he could hold. I still remember the weakness that was in his eyes and the hungry look that caught my attention the most. He was begging to let him go before I produced him to the hotel authorities. But I couldn’t stand and see the physical treatments they started giving him, that I freed him and brought him home. I still don’t know how the 13-year old could withstand all that beating they gave him. So far in my life, I didn’t see any body who had had the food that I gave him with the courteous look that William had when I gave him food. That’s when I knew William was a good boy.

William always amused me. I always wonder how an orphan, who grew up in the filthiest parts of the country, who used theft as a means of livelihood, who didn’t have any moral education from family or school, can have his own way of doing things that even educated students of his age couldn’t. He was simply great when it comes to the area of machines. He started using my two wheeler when he was fourteen, my land rover when he was fifteen and my truck when he was sixteen! The fact that nobody taught him these things implied that he had a way with vehicles and when he reached the age, I didn’t have any second thoughts to make him my driver. He was interested to learn things, but he hated going to schools. That made me his mentor, teacher, guardian, everything. I even tried to think him as my son, but my mind had more sense than me and said no. If it was a yes, I don’t know how I would feel… all alone and sad…..For a man who lost his family, a companion like William was a boon. He knew my needs better than me and he didn’t need any instructions to know what to do when. Officially, he was my driver, but he was everything for me.

I often thought how it would be to have no tomorrow. But now I wish if there was no yesterday, as it was that ‘yesterday’ that took away my son…oh no… my driver. (My mind is playing games with me now). I remember giving William keys and asking him to fetch the money that was in the house to my workplace. He usually does it in an hour and I don’t know what made yesterday unusual for him, as he did never come back.

As far as I knew, I lost the money, I lost the car, and above all, I lost William. The major part of me says that William took the money, he ran away with your car, he cheated you, the minor part (I believe where my innocence is situated) says no to all the above. I don’t know whether it is an effort of defense, not to accept being cheated.

Sitting on the lawn, I can see my gate. I still expect that he would come back, even though I knew he wouldn’t. But there is something good in waiting. It is one of the best gifts god had given man. The money or the car is not my problem. It is William.

What I think now is to give up. Accept your mistake. “Hey Mr. you have chosen the wrong man”. ‘Yes I do’. With time passing, the ‘No I don’t’ part weakened. I got up, walked over to the gate, closed it, returned to my home, and drifted off to sleep.

The familiar sound of my car woke me up. I went to the window to find William stepping out of the driver’s seat. I didn’t overwhelm with joy. I kept smiling. “I knew you would” as the good part of me kept saying. Well, the world is not as bad as it seems. Keep your innocence in you as it would pay you, at some point in your life. I walked over to the front door to open it for William.

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