Solitude and introspection

Sorry for the haphazard way of describing things because it wasn’t meant to be an article but just thought maybe this was the right platform for my thoughts.

I would narrate most of my life within the past 3years here at AIIMS. Maybe my life will not be normal after this article. Maybe I will worsen my life more after this by being teased more by the people about whom I just wrote this.

A big mistake of  my life was choosing MBBS but what was even bigger was taking this institute.

Right from the first day till now, I have seen good, bad, playful, boring etc. days but what constantly bothered me throughout my life was friends and their friendship.

1st yr…

First I had a great friendship with MR.X (screenshot wale bhaiya) but things eventually kept going wrong between us due to misunderstandings. Then came the phase of L group. Being a part of the L group, I enjoyed those days but then being in a state of pseudo-breakup (because I wasn’t exactly in a relationship) I couldn’t stand couples near me. So I had to eventually part from them. Then came the so-called SPARX group. After I entered that group, life has been such an adventure for me. Except for a few people, It proved that friendship has no meaning. “Jab mann aaye nibhao ,warna bhaand mai jao”. There were bitching and bitching all around. Today somebody will be with you. Tomorrow, that person will be with your enemy. This kept happening. But I spent my first year with them, playing cricket and cards. 

2nd yr…..

Almost a whole year I was with SPARX. But all round the year I couldn’t figure out who was my real friend because there were times when there were 2 groups based on this-side-of-the-bathroom and that-side-of-the-bathroom.:P I was not particularly inclined to any one group. So bad words came to me from both sides. At the end of the year, I started feeling so lonely that I started going to library some months before the exams. Then came this  member of L group-Mr. Y, who happened to be nice to me . Soon we made a duo for studying during exams. Since then, I relatively created a long distance with SPARX which never got covered inspite of my sincere efforts. Even though I was studying with Mr.Y, I regularly used to go to the rooms of my friends quite frequently, every day. But they had a reason to tease me all the time saying “Bade log, Topper log, woh wing wale”. I stayed calm to all the accusations and completed my 2nd yr.

During holidays,I left this group saying that I will keep individual friendship with people but I won’t go out on group outings.

3rd yr…

This year started on a good note but then came this twist . Group members may be didn’t understand what I meant by “No to group outings”. They thought it was no to friendship. They never visited my room. For Goa trip, people tried a hell lot to convince their friends to come, but they didn’t even ask me once to come along to the trip.

Along with this parallel, I had distances with my friends who happened to be my girlfriends friends. And eventually, we all parted in a span of 2 months.

What was constant throughout these 3 years were people teasing me 24*7 and having fights with me. After my relation, I heard a lot of accusations due to inter-batch things but I never complained. There were times when I had to face beizatti from my friend in front of juniors but I used to listen to that calmly. And once I replied back to such a person in front of a junior, and he took it on his ego and decided not to be nice to me for whole my life. Because of my nature, juniors started taking a toll on me. But I had to be silent because I had no one who would take a stand if there came any inter-batch issues.

Though I knew I didn’t deserve to be among the bright minded people here because such people are very cunning, I tried being good to all. But this place taught me there is no real friendship. The principles here are “Use each other, and leave the place” which is not my type because I have always been saying friendship matters more for me, above all.

My hunt for a true friend ends today. Because people will tease me after this or will ignore it, having a gala time together with friends making fun of this article. But I really don’t care. Because my motto was just to cry my heart out and answer all the questions people have, such as “Why didn’t you come to the trip? You don’t you talk to me these days? You have started studying a lot these days? Tu theek toh hai na?” I was about to be referred to a Psychiatrist but then I thought this could help me come out of my depression.

Sorry for my pathetic article.This was the first one in my life.

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  1. And the interesting fact is
    And the interesting fact is most of the people for whom this article was will not be even aware of this article until they get to know from others.

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