Sad Thoughts

Sad Thoughts

What is the point of doing anything if I feel like I am going to get yelled at by someone because of it? I don’t want to be a Muslim because I don’t want there to be an after life when I die, I hope death is like a very deep sleep dark quiet and peaceful. I fell asleep and woke up to my uncle yelling at me of how much of a stupid lying bitch I am. I sometimes feel like murdering my whole family but then think of how sad people would be over their deaths and how angry everyone would be at me and what worse things they would think of me. Why do people like to put their expectations on me? Don’t they see how I fail whether it be on purpose or accidently? I feel like they would choke me and throw me away if I fail. I hate how my uncle automatically calls me a liar on things like “I am studying” or “I am taking an online quiz” just to get out of Quran lessons. I tell lies on stupid stuff like I did eat something for breakfast or I did brush my teeth last night when I didn’t. I hate Quran lessons-the teacher makes fun of my voice sometimes and makes me repeat a page because he forgot to write down the pages I finished and doesn’t seem to understand that I read that page already. He doesn’t understand English that well I guess. I hate how senile and short tempered my dad has gotten and how he threatens to “knock my teeth out of my mouth when he will punch me in the face when he gets to me” (His words in my local language, not mine). I hate how lonely I feel sometimes and how this must be abnormal to other girls who live around me. I hate how I cry and feel sad about this when I am lucky since my family is together and not split or divorced and I don’t get abused or hit at home and how lucky I am compared to others. Yet I am acting like such a whiny cry baby of a girl!

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