Every mighty oak evolved from a little nut. Every institution has humble beginnings. My institute is no exception. It is incomplete, does not have enough people, enough instruments or equipments and does not hold the respect it will one day command. Its grandiose concept is reflected in its magnanimity. The campus spread far and wide, the buildings impressive inspite of their incompleteness, the subtle pink shade standing out defiantly. Best of students and best of researchers, academicians and teachers are selected to reach here. Being surrounded by such elite intellectual standard each day is a privilege. This does not make things easy though. It makes your life tougher.
Like most of us, my dreams are unleashed. They stretch their wings ready to flap to a destination they call home and nothing less will do. Forensic Pathology will reach new heights. This will be the most sought after place for people interested in Medicolegal autopsy. This will set examples in work culture, skill and team spirit. It will have the best working protocol which people will try to emulate at other places.
Reality intervenes. Years since I did an autopsy! Years since I saw and gave opinion on a medicolegal case. That stifling suffocating thought can drive me to depths of despair in minutes. What pulls the strings of my thoughts are my thoughts. My mind is split. This is the place which will provide a balance of freedom and discipline. The dream and vision is larger than life yet the truth is today and that is not enviable. The musk makes us move and there is no musk. That is the truth of a lie.
Being placed within your dream which is in all reality only a virtual dream is the feeling one scribes to. Living a dream was never so difficult and yet never so absorbing and consuming. Falling in love is simpler for it is a welcoming abstract.
Being preoccupied with lesser chores imparts a rhythm making one oblivious to the vibes of heart and mind and yet each pain and anguish, each tired and debated day can question and confirm the certainty of direction. It was not easy to live three years like this. The bright young faces, their smile and questions made every conflict shrink and every space purposeful. You cannot ignore the future of these faces and the glory of the brand, the life must go on, stretch to the limit and yet calm to the core.
There must be an easier or simpler way than carrying a stranger’s burden. Stranger is the person we don’t know, who is not there and yet his or her share of job is necessary and so we do. This burden imparts what knowledge never saw. New skills, new levels of awareness, resilience of human mind, blind unlimited patience surprise us realistically. We argue that it was not our goal. We learn, we question ourselves its worth, we reply to ourselves ‘for a dream’ and the three words are enough to quieten the turmoil no word could summarise.
The tall imposing structure reverberates that it makes us human. The building talks each day like a protector, a seer who prophesies and states an undeniable fact. You touch the building as you enter and the touch makes a promise, a bond, a commitment of dreaming the impossible as if it holds the key to all the todays and tomorrows.
I must persist for what awaits me is the thought which finds its way into the mind unknowingly and becomes loud when even inadvertently objective evaluation of plans are deliberated. The unparalleled beauty and deepest satisfaction is the priceless musk
Each end is glorious. If death is the ultimate fate and achievement of life, it must be beautiful. Process of life may be a strife we find ways to enjoy. Death is its own reward and each uncertain life is followed by a certain death. I reiterate to myself and the thoughts echo in the Morgue, giving the incomplete walls a complete reassurance.
You are foolishly in love with a dream, a place, its influence and yet it seems not to respond to your presence or acknowledge in as many ways as one wants. This desperation and helplessness haunts you as much as the non reciprocated affection with people does.
Is it just a mirage at the end that I set to seek …..I wonder …….. when people think life is unreal………….